If I Had A Magic Wand….2014 Edition

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It’s December and in  a few short weeks we’ll be exposed to the yearly custom; The New Year’s Resolution. While most people find the exercise abhorrent and cheesy, we still think, ponder and hope and want to make lists between the highs and lows of holiday parties and the guilt and happiness that comes with them.

New Year’s resolutions are of course a reflection of us all wanting to do better. Humans have that unique quality unlike most mammals that we get up in the morning and can make a conscious decision to be a better person; to rise above eating, surviving and reproducing.

Rather than ask our friends and acquaintances what their New Year’s Resolutions are we should be working on a blueprint for Our Ideal Life and what we are going to do next to get there.

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We all would like more money and the freedom that financial security brings. To be able to have the time and energy to have high quality experiences with our friends and loved ones. We all want to have meaningful work that not only makes the world a bit better because of us, but gives us the recognition of being part of a successful community. We all hope to find and keep that special person in our lives that brings us emotional and physical satisfaction.

But all of the above are larger than life generalizations. Just wanting them is not enough. Margaret Cho once said that she dreamed of being surrounded by muscular men. She didn’ realized they’d all be gay. “I should have been more specific!” she exclaimed. And so we have to do that too. How much money would it take? How long would it take to get there? How would you do that? What do you need to do next?

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What type of work would make you happy and fulfilled? Who do you know who is doing that type of work? How did they get there? What have you done in the past that has made you feel successful? appreciated? What do you need to do next?

What does your ideal day look like with a partner? What do you do in the morning? What does he/she look like?  What are your deal-breakers? What can you  accept as a financial burden with a partner? (no, two cannot live as cheaply as one).  here are you looking for a partner? online? church? gym? How has this worked out so far? What do you need to do next?

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Sadie-Sadie; Married Ladies

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Sadie Sadie Married Lady

My apologies for the several week hiatus. Between the two family weddings, and our own, I’ve scarcely had time to share with you my gentle readers my latest adventure in M to the third power,  M cubed, (Muscles, Money and Mayhem).

I got married.

Really; license, boutonnieres matching outfits and all.

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It started a few months ago with the Supreme Court striking down Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act, passed during the Clinton Administration and signed by President Clinton (even though he didn’t have to sign it…and did NOT sign many laws that went into effect, but that’s another story he’ll have to answer to later..trust me) But back to the marriage. You see, married couples, heteros up to now, could transfer wealth at death in such vehicles (I love to use the word vehicles in sentences like this with no cars or movement involved) as life insurance, personal property such as homes owned jointly with NO FEDERAL TAXES levied.

That was the the basis of the Windsor v. IRS ruling. Edie Windsor was legally to her spouse, her spouse passed away, and because she and her spouse were both women, the IRS levied a $300,000.00 tax bill on her for the joint property they had paid for while married. If one of them had a penis and the other a vagina, the tax bill would have been $0.00. While my husband and I wouldn’t be on the hook for that much, my attraction to male pheremones and big biceps would have put either of us in a trailer park if one of us died.

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So with the end of DOMA and the IRS ruling that same sex couples married anywhere could file jointly and be recognized as legal heirs in the eyes of the Federal Taxation Rules, I  texted my partner of ten years and said, “Babe, we should get married while we are in California just in case something happens to one of us” He texted back “Sure” and the romance was on.

Turns out you can apply for your marriage license and schedule your ceremony all online for California weddings. There is but a 30 minute waiting period between getting your license and having the ceremony in California. Some states have up to a five day ‘cooling off’ period; I guess in California thirty minutes is all you need to get rid of your regrets.

But back to me, I mean us, since now we are legally married in the eyes of the IRS, California and the other 13 states and District of Columbia.

The wedding ceremony was wonderful, brief, successful (we had all the papers on the first try) and cost $77 bucks. That being said, the rest of this blog has to do with how it feels, at least for me, to be married.

While it is just a piece of paper, and love goes way beyond that, right? Well, no it does not. It really feels different. I no longer have to say, “my partner” and then go on to explain that its not a business partner but life partner and then feel compelled to add how long we’ve been together, how long we’ve owned a home, how and where we met; you get the picture. All I say now is that we are married and this is my husband. Period. A terrific shortcut I might add.

I feel more equal to my hetero married friends now, as it should be since I didn’t get a discount on my taxes for sucking dick. Whether they look at me differently now, I can’t say; but most of them seem genuinely excited for us and to tell the truth, it spills back over to us. Excited and gratified, relieved and comforting, it does make a difference.

So to the cynics out there who say marriage is a dead institution, I give them this. Anything that can make a tired old queen like me cry and then feel good about himself; and didn’t involve a mental health copay is no small feat. I love my husband, my marriage license and moving toward all 1138 rights that ALL married couples should have.

Here come the grooms.

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The New Seven Deadly Sins and the Internet Haters of Spencer’s Home Depot Proposal

We are all familiar with the Christian version of the seven deadly sins: Wrath, Greed, Sloth, Pride, Lust, Envy, and Gluttony. These are known as Cardinal Sins…making them even more ominous. Lately there has been a revision. The new ones adjusted for our economic, political and new sexual issues are: Apathy, Cruelty, Duplicity, Hypocricy, False Morality, Abuse of Power, and Cultivated Ignorance. At first, the revised sins look like a rehash of the first but on more careful examination you can see the subtle differences.

From our politicians to the Kardashians to our sports heroes, we can see many examples of all seven of the new sins on our televisions, smartphones, iPads, and of course print media. This blog was going to be a careful discussion, complete with examples and analogies (thank you Mrs. Kolodny, my 10 grade High School English teacher.) But then I saw “The Proposal” one of now several million that witnessed and cried through, “Spencer’s Home Depot Proposal” now a YouTube legend.

For those of you who haven’t seen it, unsuspecting Dustin goes a Home Depot in Salt Lake City, Utah with his roomate to look for supplies for a party. In a deserted aisle he is escorted to a raised platform, puzzled he sees a choregraphed flash mob dancing and lip-synching the song, “Somebody Loves You,” by Betty Who. Soon his family shuffles out, complete with parents, siblings, nieces and nephews. He is recording the event on his phone for his boyfriend, still oblivious that this is a marriage proposal. Soon his boyfriend comes out for the finale, and on bended knee with ring the proposal is complete.

I cried. No really cried. Had to get up and get a paper towel cried. I immediately went to Facebook (doesn’t everyone do that when they have an emotional experience today?) to post and proudly declare my own love for my soon-to-be husband. What I found there was 1. I was a few hours late (no big deal) 2. there were people who HATED the video and not for the usual reasons. You see it wasn’t homophobia that was rampant..it was my own LGBT brothers who were hating on Spencer and Dustin. “It’s so 2008 those flashmobs” “They won’t last a year” They probably have accounts on GRINDR and A4A” (gay hookup sites) “Of course he got a proposal, he’s hot” etc. etc.

A few things ran through my head as I read the negative comments. First, did ANYONE notice that this was Salt Lake City – Salt Lake Fucking Mormon City – where they raised millions to pass Prop 8 writing discrimination into the State of California’s laws. And it was inside a Home Depot a large corporation (granted, they have good record with LGBT rights). Second, they are in their early 20’s and the parents and siblings were there? Seriously? You are hating on them? When most of us were in our 20’s we were so far in the closet we knew everyone’s shoe size. Our boyfriends were still “roomates” or “good friends” and we all had at least one relative who would rather not breathe the same air as we do much less have our small children witness a gay marriage proposal.

No, what I saw on my list of friends on Facebook hating on Spencer and Dustin was a generational gap fueled by several of the New Seven Deadly Sins, Hypocrisy and Institutional Ignorance at the forefront. There is a new world out there with our young LGBT brothers and sisters that we may never fully understand, but should accept with open arms. They truly are standing on our shoulders, our fight was won and we should celbrate them, not diss them. Congrats to Spencer and Dustin, I’m going to watch it again and have a good cry.

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